


I Didn't Think It Was Possible

by CarnationGem (Akumeoi)



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Bad Parenting, F/M, Forbidden Love, Romance, Self-Indulgent, only one scene tho, yes there is smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-06
Updated: 2017-07-25
Packaged: 2018-11-09 13:29:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 19,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11105529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Akumeoi/pseuds/CarnationGem
Summary: Kalani Treveylan has always loved boys her parents disapproved of. Even now that she's the Inquisitor, she can't seem to shake the weight of their expectations. But she wants Cullen - badly. Is it possible for Kalani to find the romance she's always dreamed of, or will her family be able to blackmail her into obedience?





	1. The Walk of Shame

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gwendolyn Treveylan = mother  
> Maximilian Trevelyan = father  
> Harper = brother  
> Aunt Dahlia = father's older sister  
> [Kalani, if you are interested.](http://voxiferous.tumblr.com/post/116149693617/meet-kalani-trevelyan-she-is-a-rogue-and-she-will)
> 
> Ser is used as a gender neutral form of address.

“ _You’re the Inquisitor. We’re at war. And you… I didn’t think it was possible._ ”

Kalani didn’t tell him then, but it was not her being the Inquisitor which made her heart jump painfully into her throat when he said those words. It was because she was her parents’ daughter that she felt the echoes ring in her ears. 

_"You’re royalty, Kalani. You are of noble blood. Do you know what that means?" her mom said._  
_Pre-teen Kalani shook her head, knowing what "noble" was without really knowing. It was something that really mattered to her mom, so it mattered to Kalani too. She had to understand._  
_"It means you must marry a man who brings honour to this house, because that blood must be preserved, for the good of Thedas."_

_But I want Cullen_ , she thought, ten years later.

—

_Many months previously._

Kalani giggled and ran her hands over the boy’s bare chest. 

“You’re so cute,” she laughed in a breathless whisper. “Oh look, you’ve got a freckle.”

“Shhh, someone’ll hear!” he hissed, his cheeks pink. Kalani kissed him. 

“Mmmmm, don’t you like a little compliment?” she said in a teasing voice. He would probably have responded if she hadn’t nipped at his bottom lip with her little sharp teeth.

“K-Kalani-”

“Take my shirt off, will you, there’s a darling?”

“Kalani,” he said insistently, leaning away from her grasp. “Are you… are you sure we should be doing this?”

“Why not? It’s fun,” said Kalani, leaning towards him. If he scooted away any farther, he would be completely pressed up against the wall of the hayloft. 

“But your parents…”

“Damn my parents.” Kalani allowed a frown to flit briefly across her face. _Ugh! Her parents!_ It seemed they intruded even here, on something that was decidedly none of their business. If she wanted to lose her virginity to a visiting merchant’s son, who were they to butt in? 

So maybe they had foiled her plans plenty of times before. So maybe this was just the latest boy in a string of boys they never let her keep. But blast them, he was adorable. Just look at him. Mmmmmm.

“Well…” he said. Kalani was sure her fingers on his stomach were rather distracting. Yes, she was sure of it, because this hand motion was something she had practised. And so… was…

He gasped. “I-I - ah!”

This time he was the one who leaned forward and kissed her soundly. Feeling a tingle of pleasure from both the kiss and her own persuasive skills, Kalani dutifully lifted her arms so that he could get the shirt off, and then concentrated very hard on finding an opening to get her tongue into his mouth. 

He was fumbling with the fastening on her breeches when the barn door creaked open below them. 

The sound was so familiar that Kalani instantly froze up, quickly putting her hand between their bare chests. But he hadn’t heard, so he frowned and said, “Kalani, are you-”

“Shhhhhh,” she said urgently, but it was too late. 

“Kalani?”

_Maker’s balls._

It was her father’s voice. 

She exchanged a glance with The Boy and saw him nervously swallow. 

“Katherine Trevelyan, I know you’re in here.” He was using that tone which meant he was teetering on the border of anger, but Kalani just rolled her eyes and gave The Boy a conspiratorial grin. 

A grin which slid off her face as The Boy opened his mouth. Kalani shook her head furiously, but he looked right over her. To her horror he called loudly, “We’re up here, ser.”

_Shit, shit, shit._

Harsh footsteps made their way over to the ladder that led up into the hayloft.

Snatching her shirt out of his hand, Kalani shoved her arms through the sleeves and tossed her underclothes under a nearby pile of hay. Just then, a firm hand closed over her wrist. 

“F-father-” she started to say.

“You will put on your clothing and descend from this hayloft.” His tone was totally controlled, but she knew he was seething with anger from the way his eyes glinted with a cold steel. “As for you, young man, you had better do the same. Immediately.”

Kalani’s eyes flicked up and met The Boy’s, but all desire to laugh had vanished down her throat as if she had accidentally swallowed a large peach pit. 

_You traitor_ , she thought. _I’ll get you back for this._

But the thoughts were pale consolation underneath her father’s glare.

She retrieved her underclothes, but as she put her hand on the hem of her shirt, he did not move to descend the ladder. 

“Father, I can dress myself,” she said. “I’m not a child.”

Her words rang thinly, and he did not answer. 

Kalani swallowed, and her eyebrows knitted into a scowl. How humiliating, to have to change in front of her father. She didn’t know what The Boy’s expression looked like now, but she would rather fall out of the hayloft than see it. 

Tossing back her crop of short red hair defiantly, she pulled her shirt off in one smooth twist, then set about dressing herself again properly. Her father’s accusing gaze didn’t leave her face the entire time, and she was barely conscious of a rustling behind her which meant that The Boy must also be putting his shirt back on. Though he finished quickly, Kalani tied the bows on her clothing slowly and methodically, refusing to heed her father’s barely contained rage and impatience. 

The second she was done, he grabbed her arm and roughly shoved her towards the ladder. Instead of climbing down the rungs normally, she simply slid all the way to the bottom, as she had done a million times before. The thud that she made as her feet hit the floor was supremely satisfying, though her feet stung hollowly in their thin leather slippers.  
Her father followed more sedately, then The Boy, climbing at a snail’s pace. No doubt he was wishing the ladder would never end. Kalani nearly snorted with contempt. Her family wouldn’t punish him. They never punished the men she loved and tried to be with. She was always the one who bore the full brunt of their stupid ideals.

“You.”

Maximilian Trevelyan’s voice was still controlled, but The Boy flinched. 

“I do not know who you are. I assume you are just passing through this village. Katherine seems to have a taste for drifters. You will return to your family, travelling band of ruffians, or other group of compatriots, and leave this village. I do not want to see you within a hundred paces of my daughter ever again. Do you understand?”

“Yes, Lord Trevelyan.”

With that, the little traitor beat a hasty retreat for the door. And Kalani was left alone in a barn with straw in her hair. And her father. He was still there, too.

“Come.”

He strode toward the door. For a moment, Kalani foolishly considered refusing to follow. She hesitated for a split second. Without turning around, her father said, “You will come.”

She shuddered and followed. 

Outside there was a horse waiting. Of course - Kalani would never have been stupid enough to invite a boy over to the stables on her parent’s property. They were on the land of one of the farmers who worked for them. But Kalani had walked over here. Taking her own horse from the stables - not to mention tying it up in front of the barn - would have been way too obvious too. 

Her father mounted his horse. 

“You will walk.”

Ah yes, the walk of shame. This was a little tradition her father had started after the third time he had caught her in a compromising situation. She would have to walk behind his horse the whole way home. 

Fine. 

She could take it. 

What did he think he could do to her anyway? She was a Trevelyan heir.

—

“Kalani, this has got to stop.”

The walk of shame was over. Now Kalani was standing in her mother’s chambers, with both of her parents and her brother Harper present. Her parents were standing in front of her, while Harper was sitting awkwardly behind them, trying not to make eye contact with her. That seemed to be a theme with her and boys today. Kalani didn’t know whether or not she was glad that he was home on leave to see this spectacle. Probably wouldn’t make a difference, really.

“Kalani,” said her mother.

“Yes, ser.”

Of course, there was something else that Kalani wanted to say, but when her parents got like this it was best to just say nothing but “yes” and “no” until it was all over.  
“You will not do this again,” her mother insisted. Her father was staring at her with lips pressed together with disconcerting tightness.

“Yes, ser.” _It’s not like I haven’t heard that one before._

“Ugh.” Her mother paused and pursed her lips, the sour expression twisting her aristocratic face into an unbecoming mask of annoyance. “I will never understand why you insist on prostituting yourself out so. Are you trying to bring shame to our house? Are you doing this to spite me? What’s wrong with you Kalani?”

_Oh look, something else I haven’t heard before._

“Why can’t you just be more like your brother?”

Over her shoulder, Harper flushed. 

“I just don’t-”

But at that moment, instead of letting her launch into a lecture as he normally did, Kalani’s father spoke. 

“Gwendolyn, it’s useless. No matter how many times you try to impress upon her the importance of acting like our daughter and not an uncivilised oxwoman, she will continue to ruin her life and our standing. It’s time.”

 _Uh oh._ This was new. Time for what, exactly?

Kalani’s mother paused. “Are you sure?”

Her father gave a curt nod. “Katherine, you have lost all your chances. Your mother and I are sending you away to stay with your Aunt Dahlia, and then we will arrange a suitable match for you to be married.”

Kalani felt her stomach drop. Staying with her harsh, strict Aunt Dahlia, alone in the mountains with no one around to hear her screaming? And no village within a day’s journey? (As if she would even be allowed out of the keep!) And then - to be married? To someone she didn’t know, and didn’t love? So she could be under the thumb of someone like her parents for the rest of her life? 

It made her feel sick. 

“B-but Father -” she began in a wavering voice. 

“No. There will be no discussion. Your mother and I have decided this without you.” Kalani could swear there was a gleam of either amusement or triumph in his eye. 

“B-but I -”

“Your father’s right. Don’t even bother.”

Stepping backwards, Kalani found the back of one of her mother’s chairs, which she immediately leaned against for support.

“Hold on a minute,” Harper said. Kalani wanted to kiss him. Not like that! He was her brother. And though he was generally useless, every so often he found it in his dim little heart to bail her out of a sticky situation.

“What about the Conclave?” he said. 

Yes, the Conclave… Harper would be the best representative of the Trevelyan family to send, because he was a Templar who could generally be counted on to act like their perfect little son. But sadly, he didn’t have the social skills necessary to navigate a politically charged climate such as the Conclave. Kalani did, but her parents didn’t trust her to go out in public without them, lest she have the gall to _fall in love_ and _try to find happiness_. Their solution had been to send Kalani to the Conclave with an escort to babysit her. At the time, Kalani had been excited to leave the Free Marches for the first time, even if it was just to meet a bunch of childish Templars and Mages who didn’t know how to do their jobs. Now, it seemed like the light at the end of the tunnel. Maybe if she went to the Conclave and distinguished herself, they would be too pleased with her to send her away. 

Her parents exchanged a look. 

“Wouldn’t Harper-” her mother began, but her father shook his head.

“I’ll be on duty then,” Harper put in pompously. “Even with this war on, someone’s got to recruit new mages. Wouldn’t want peasant children joining the rebellion before we even have phylacteries for them.” 

Kalani’s mother sighed. “I suppose she’ll have to go then, Max.”

He paused for only a split second before replying. “Yes, she will. But I’m sure that Balinor and Hildred will make a fine escort.”

“You will not make a mockery of us in front of the entire Conclave, my girl,” Kalani’s mother said grimly.

Heaving an internal sigh of relief, Kalani said, “No, ser. Thank you, ser.” Balinor and Hildred would hardly be a problem. As long as she was out from under her parents’ thumbs, she didn’t care who they sent to babysit her, even if it was an entire mercenary band.

“Yes, well, don’t think this changes anything. We’ll have them escort you directly to your aunt’s house after the Conclave is over.”

_What?_

If they did that then… there was no chance that Kalani might be able to negotiate a plea bargain after the Conclave, as she had so many times before.

“I can’t come home?” she blurted out. 

Her mother gave her a condescending look. “And waste all that time? It’s much faster to just go straight to your aunt’s house. Besides, what could you possibly have to do here?”

“I’ll have to pack dresses,” Kalani said. “You know, that’s not the sort of thing one wears to the Conclave. But at Aunt Dahlia’s, well -”

“Well, she doesn’t host balls, and we don’t anticipate her letting you attend any while you’re with her, so don’t bother,” her father said. 

“This is of your own doing,” her mother cut in, seeing Kalani’s anguished expression. “How many times have we warned you not to disobey us? Well, now you won’t do it ever again.”

Though she knew it was a mistake, Kalani said defiantly, “I’ll run away and become a Grey Warden!”

“Send Alexi and Aldred with her too,” said her father. “Just in case.”

-

The journey to the Conclave was boring and uneventful. Under the watchful eyes of her parents’ devoted servants, Kalani had barely a moment to herself. There were no unexpected trysts in tavern attics, no stolen kisses behind any foreign stables. There were only lingering glances, exchanged with beautiful strangers across crowded rooms; and passionate meetings with lovers real and imaginary, consummated vividly in dreams. 

It was not enough.

Kalani was stifling under the constant surveillance. These days of spring might be the last shot she ever had at freedom. If her life from here took the path she suspected it would, she was going to be permanently locked under somebody else’s thumb for the rest of her life.

She had heard bad things about her Aunt Dahlia. They said people sent young women to her to be broken into perfect daughters. Every time she thought about that house in the mountains, Kalani broke into a cold sweat. Effectively, sending her there was as good as saying, _You will have no love in your life, Kalani. You will live and die as dry and bitter as we are._

 _How many things have they taken from me?_ she wondered. _How much will I lose? How many chances at love, at a happy life without them? Why can’t they just let me be free?_

_I never asked to be a noble’s daughter._

—

Of course, the Conclave itself was a disaster. Later, Kalani would say that the details of it were hazy - the part that she had been able to attend before the whole place blew up. As it turns out, she distinguished herself quite well in the matter of politicking and mingling. But as all the people she mingled with were now dead, it didn’t really matter - to her parents, or to anyone else. 

Then it was all a whirlwind of demons and forests and foreign faces and a churning, roiling confusion. She didn’t think of her parents, or of boys, or of anything at all; she was just trying to remember what reality felt like. 

Because there was no way that she could really be in the middle of the Frostback mountains, being asked about the diversion of soldiers and the cultivation of elfroot, was there?

And there was certainly no way she could really be the Herald of Andraste. Why, her father would have laughed so hard at the notion that her mother would have had to shoo out all the servants. Flighty Kalani, whose nickname wasn’t even a proper name, who kissed boys in the barn and in trees and in grotty old peasant shacks, fit to be the Herald of Andraste? Ridiculous. Kalani couldn’t think of anyone less suited. She had a feeling the hairy dwarf with the crossbow understood, but there was no chance that the intimidating female Seeker, the aloof spymaster, or the overly formal bald elf did. The shiny gold Antivan beauty was the perfect model of a noble’s, daughter, so there was no way she would get it either.

The hazel-eyed Templar was pretty, but for once in her life, Kalani had no interest in pursuing anyone or anything. All she wanted was to survive this nightmare. Her collection of scars was piling up by the day. She would soon be too ugly to marry anyone in the nobility. Maybe she would have to enter the Chantry (ha! like her mother hadn’t already tried that one). Her father sent a letter saying that Kalani was to stop gallivanting around the Hinterlands and come home at once. How they knew she was alive, she had no idea. How she was _alive_ , she had no idea.

—

She went to recruit the Templars, and greatly regretted it. Harper came to Haven. Haven was destroyed.

—

“I’m glad you made it out.”

“I’m glad too,” Cullen said.

Their eyes met. And for a moment, Kalani felt a spark of connection that she hadn’t felt since The Last Boy. How long ago it seemed that she had been caught kissing him in the barn and been sentenced to go live with her aunt in the hills. Would her aunt even agree to take her in, now? It felt like she had stepped out of time for a brief moment, and was now being set down again on the lawn of an unfamiliar castle. 

Looking into the soft hazel eyes of a warrior with golden hair.

And there it was, she was sure of it. That old spark of connection, the longing between two people who wanted nothing more in the world than to take each other’s clothes off.  
For just a moment, Kalani ached with loneliness and desire, two feelings as familiar to her as the rising and setting of the sun. But this was the captain of her soldiers, not some pretty peasant boy she could just twist around her finger. If she wanted him, she would have to work for it.

Cullen coughed awkwardly and broke eye contact, which was completely jarring for Kalani. 

“W-well,” he said, and Kalani flushed. “I should be going… I have a lot of reports to go over.” Putting one hand behind his neck, Cullen gave a crooked grin. Kalani noticed that it pulled at the scar on his lip, turning it white. She wondered how he had gotten that, and what it would feel like to put her lips on it. 

That momentary flash of heat through her body made her physically stumble backwards and stutter even more awkwardly than before. 

“Y-yes,” she said. “It’s - it’s fine.”

Cullen’s eyes darted to her eyes and back again before he said, “Heh,” and practically sprinted for the staircase. When he disappeared at the top of the stone stairway Kalani blinked, shook herself, and then groaned internally. 

_What was that, Kalani? Is that the best you could do?_

It wasn’t like he was making this any easier for her. From the few brief conversations she had had with him at Haven, she knew that Cullen had all the social grace of a Gwaren Land-Hammer, especially when it came to things like this. Just an innocent question about the personal celibacy vows of Templars had made him uncomfortable enough to pointedly change the subject. And now it seemed that she, too, was losing her carefully cultivated flirting prowess. 

Well, that couldn’t be allowed to happen. Not now. Maybe this was her ticket to freedom.


	2. Mother Knows Best

_Dearest Katherine,_

_Had we not heard the news delivered by the hand of one of the Inquisition’s own couriers, we would never have thought it possible that you had survived the destruction of Haven. It must have been the hand of the Maker himself which delivered you from such a dreadful fate._

_However, it seems you are still just as ungrateful and disobedient as you were before you were saved by the Hand of Grace. It is such a pity that you still refuse to come to your senses and return home to us. I have heard that you have been gallivanting all across Thedas as if you were a common merchant’s daughter, and not the dutiful daughter of one of the most noble houses. Even when you are given a position that might have a chance at being respectable, you continue to act like an ill-bred peasant. I cannot believe the shame you are bringing down on our house. Perhaps your father is right and you will be the ruination of us._

_But I am not so willing to give up on your future, my only daughter, and for that you may thank only the grace of Andraste. As I see there is no chance of inducing you to end your life of debauchery and return to the Free Marches as instructed, I am considering journeying to this little fort you have holed yourself up in, so that I might give you maternal instruction and guidance in person. Maker knows you cannot control yourself, so it is my duty as your parent to provide for those qualities which you so obviously lack.  
Do not fear; I shall be there within a fortnight of your reply in the affirmative. I would leave at once, but I would not wish to arrive at this keep and find no suitable bedroom prepared for me. I expect you to write back quickly; you always were skilled in the art of punctual correspondence, at least. I consider it one of your finest qualities. Do not disappoint me, my dear. _

_Your Loving Mother,_  
_Lady Gwendolyn Trevelyan_

She could not have caused Kalani more panic by mailing her one of Sera’s insect grenades.

—

“Leliana, do you have a minute?”

“Good afternoon, Herald. What do you need?” Leliana asked, looking up from the letter she was writing.

“I was wondering if you had time for a private conversation. Possibly also with Josephine,” Kalani said, hoping she wasn’t disturbing Leliana too much. Though Kalani considered both Josephine and Leliana to be friends, the spymaster was so reserved it was hard to tell what she truly thought about anyone, even the Inquisitor. 

“Of course,” Leliana said. “Just give me a moment. I’ll meet you downstairs with Josephine.”

“Thank you,” Kalani said gratefully. “See you in a bit.”

“Very well.” Leliana returned her attentions to the letter, and Kalani descended the library steps to collect Josephine. 

Her excellent diplomat, unlike Leliana, was not in the middle of any task when Kalani entered her sitting room. 

“What can I do for you?” Josephine asked. 

Kalani loved Josephine, because she was exceedingly kind, dedicated, and attentive to her duties. But at the same time, she couldn’t help but be envious of her, a little. Josephine was basically the perfect daughter her parents would have wanted, and Kalani couldn’t figure out if she had been born that way or if she had somehow magically grown into herself. Either way, Josephine was a distinguished, lovely young lady, and Kalani would have given anything to trade places with her. 

But that was neither here nor there, and Josephine was still waiting for a reply. 

“Oh, I wanted to talk to you and Leliana. I’ve already asked her to come down here,” Kalani explained. 

“Oh? With what do you require assistance?” Josephine said curiously. 

Kalani said nothing, but handed her the letter. 

As Josephine read, her face went through a series of very interesting contortions. It almost looked to Kalani as if she were repressing severe disgust. As it was Josephine, though, the only outward signs she gave could have easily been mistaken for mild annoyance on anyone else. 

She appeared to read the letter twice, then asked, “Is this letter genuine?”

Kalani was taken aback. “Of course it is. Why do you ask?”

Josephine shook her head. “Forgive me, my lady, but a mother should not speak to her daughter this way. Perhaps she has your best interests at heart, but I fear she forgets that you hold a title she cannot lay claim to. Whether she journeys here to Skyhold or not is… immaterial, because you have already been made Inquisitor.”

Shaking her head, Kalani sighed. “If she sent it, she will come here. After that…” she trailed off, envisioning her mother arriving at Skyhold and demanding to be taken straight to her daughter. Then she would set about cataloguing everything in the castle, from the servants, to the soldiers, to the quality of the elfroot that grew in the garden. And when she was ready, she would unleash on Kalani a critique of everything and everyone in the building, whether Kalani had anything to do with it or not. Heaven forbid she arrive while Kalani was out collecting shards in the Hinterlands or at the Storm Coast slaying a dragon.

 _But perhaps_ , Kalani thought guiltily, _I really could use some extra guidance_. Her mother’s nit-picking sometimes did point out serious problems, even if she had to wade through a lot of tiresome garbage beforehand. With the fate of the world hanging in the balance… maybe it was time to take her parents’ views seriously. 

Then she thought of Cullen. If her mother knew of the kind of thoughts Kalani had been having about a common-born ex-Templar… _Yes, maybe I could use some guidance… As long as that guidance stays in the Free Marches where it belongs._ Besides, it wasn’t as if she didn’t already have capable advisers.

Right on cue, Leliana walked in. She nodded to Kalani, then turned to Josephine, and was apparently taken aback by what she saw.

“What is it, Josephine?” Leliana asked.

“Our lady Herald’s mother is attempting to pay us a visit here at Skyhold,” Josephine said, and Kalani was shocked to hear a touch of anger in her voice. 

“Oh? Well I should think that’s more your department than mine,” Leliana said, leaning against the mantlepiece. “You didn’t call me here just to organise a party, did you?”

As Leliana folded her arms, Kalani took up an opposite position leaning against the bookshelf on the other side of Josephine’s desk. 

“Our lady Herald’s mother wants to take over her job,” Kalani said.

“What? I don’t understand. How could she possibly intend to do such a thing?”

Kalani and Josephine exchanged glances. Josephine handed the letter back to Kalani, who shoved it into her pocket.

“She’ll make my life miserable until I do what she wants,” Kalani said bluntly. 

“You are the Herald of Andraste.” Leliana’s sharp eyes focused on Kalani’s face. 

“Anyone who knows you as well as a mother does can certainly make your life difficult if your actions displease her,” Josephine put in. Kalani had the sudden feeling that she was being rescued. 

“Ah, I see what you mean,” said Leliana, nodding slowly. “So, what do you suggest we do about it? Do you want me to send some of my agents to your family’s estate?”

“To do what?” Kalani said cautiously. She envisioned an Inquisition agent rifling through her mother’s private letters - or standing over her with a dagger. Though the first was probably more practical, the second was almost… desirable. Sadly, that was probably not what Leliana had in mind. 

“We need leverage,” Josephine said. “If you get your agents in the house, I can ask my friends in the Free Marches for rumours that we can follow up on. I’m sure there must be something in your parents’ past which would give us the ability to… well… convince your mother that perhaps she is not the best source of guidance for you after all.” She picked up her pen and put a fresh sheet of parchment on top of her writing board. 

It had actually never occurred to Kalani before that her parents might have some kind of secret she could use to get them off her back. They seemed so upright and proper. What kind of indiscretions could such people possibly have hidden in their past? To Kalani’s knowledge, the only thing they did which might look bad to other people was constantly berating their disobedient daughter… yeah, that one wasn’t going to fly. 

“I already have an agent in the Trevelyan house, but she may need assistance,” Leliana said thoughtfully. “I suppose you need this information as fast as possible.”

“Yes please,” Kalani said, totally unsurprised to know that Leliana was already spying on her family.

“Then it shall be done,” Josephine said comfortingly. She and Leliana exchanged another glance, and Leliana nodded. 

“Don’t worry. Every noble house has secrets to hide. You just have to know where to look,” Leliana said ominously, and strode out of the room. 

Seeing Kalani’s slightly dazed expression, Josephine giggled. “Do not worry, my lady. We’ll take care of everything for you.”

Kalani was still somewhat doubtful that Josephine and Leliana could find any bad secrets about her family, but hey, there was still the dagger option. Or making up some plausible rumour and selling it to the gullible populace. That would work too. If anyone could concoct a story believable enough to bring house Trevelyan down a peg, it was the diplomat and the spymaster.

“I really appreciate it, Josephine. Thank you so much,” Kalani said, trying to put as much gratitude as possible into her voice. She flashed Josephine a quick smile, which had the unintended side-effect of making Josie blush ever-so-slightly. 

Was that the flirting skills kicking back into gear? Whoops. Better leave now before some kind of misunderstanding happened. 

But if that was the flirting skills, what had happened with Cullen earlier? 

—

Yes, what _had_ happened with Cullen? This thought occupied Kalani’s mind for the better part of two days spent roaming around the Hinterlands, trying to find free horses, lost Druffalo, possessed wolves, and yet more Maker-blasted elfroot. Cassandra, Varric, and Dorian kept up a steady stream of conversation as usual, but Kalani was too occupied with this puzzle to participate. 

The Look was not something that just happened to her. It was a technique. She had used it before on countless boys. It was simply not possible that he could catch her off guard with something as elementary as The Look, even if he had been the one to initiate it. 

But had he really initiated anything? It seemed to Kalani that the whole thing had been more… sort of an accident, honestly. Maybe that was why she had reacted so badly. Because of the… the rawness of it. Because Cullen was so awkward, it was impossible for him to do anything as suave as use an actual flirting tactic. Right? Had he even been flirting with her? Had what had passed between them really been The Look at all? What if had just been 20 seconds of uncomfortable eye contact, but Kalani had mistaken it for The Look because she was so used to attractive boys trying to get that sort of thing out of her?

But Cullen wasn’t a boy. He was at least 5 years older than her. She had no experience with that much of an age gap. But she was the experienced one, right? 

_This makes no sense whatsoever_ , she thought. 

As she and Cassandra laid out their bedrolls on the night of the second day, Cassandra’s accented, commanding voice cut through Kalani’s circuitous inner monologue. 

“Kalani, may I ask where have you been these last few days?”

Kalani looked up, confused. “Huh? Right here?”

Shaking her head, Cassandra sat down cross-legged and looked straight at her. “No, you’ve been up in the clouds, or some other place where elfroot doesn’t grow. We must have passed six plants on the way to camp, yet you didn’t spare a second glance for them. Tell me what is troubling you.”

Kalani rubbed her forehead with the back of her hand. She couldn’t very well say, “I’m losing my flirting skills at the worst time imaginable, as well as potentially developing a crush on our wayward Knight Commander, thus possibly bringing down shame and scandal on the entire Inquisition, not to mention my bullying parents.” 

Instead she said, “Thank you, Cassandra, but I’m fine. I… already asked Leliana to look into it for me.”

“It’s that sort of problem?” It was quite dark in the tent, even with the flaps open to let in a breeze, but Kalani didn’t have to see Cassandra’s face clearly to know that she was both surprised and sceptical. 

“Yes,” Kalani admitted. “It shouldn’t really affect the Inquisition though, don’t worry.”

“In some respects, you _are_ the Inquisition.”

Cassandra’s tone wasn’t accusing, only matter-of-fact. Kalani smiled in the darkness, shifting onto her side and propping her head up on her elbow. 

“Thank you, Cassandra,” she said. “That’s an interesting way of looking at it.” And it was. It meant that instead of worrying about bossing around a bunch of people who were no-doubt better qualified to do their jobs than she was, she could just keep being herself and doing what she was doing, and that was all that was necessary. That was freedom. She liked that. 

“It is not a compliment, it is merely the truth,” Cassandra replied. 

“Mmm,” Kalani said thoughtfully. On a whim, she sat up suddenly and said, “By the way, were you the one who recruited Cullen to the Inquisition?”

“Hmm? Yes, it was I who invited him to join. Why do you ask?”

How to phrase this without totally giving herself away?

“Oh… I was just curious. You know I like to know where my people come from,” Kalani said, referring to several conversations she’d had with Cassandra about Cassandra’s own life. Kalani was a sociable person; she couldn’t help it. Therefore, she had interrogated nearly everyone in Skyhold at length about their family, friends, and in Solas’s case, boring dreams. 

Cassandra gave a little chuckle. “Yes, I know very well. Was there something in particular you wanted to know about the Knight Commander?”

“Oh, just what you thought of him in general,” Kalani said, trying not to sound too eager.

“He is a good man,” Cassandra said. 

“Well, he had better be, or you wouldn’t have hired him,” Kalani pointed out.

“I suppose not,” Cassandra laughed. “I would also say he’s a rare man, our Knight Commander. It was quite difficult for me to abandon the Seekers, and I imagine it was very much the same for him with the Templars. He has quite a good deal of perseverance. But of course, he’s also very hard on himself. If I’m being honest, I would say that we all are.”

“I know,” Kalani said, hugging her knees to her chest. “Don’t push yourself too far, Cassandra. I know you’re doing your best.”

“Thank you, Kalani. I appreciate that,” Cassandra said, and Kalani let out an involuntary yawn. 

“Perhaps it is time for us to get some rest,” suggested Cassandra. 

“I think so,” Kalani said, lying down again. “Good night.”

“Good night, my lady Herald.”

Kalani closed her eyes at last, and all her dreams were coloured gold.

—

_She was back in the hayloft. There was a boy with her, but it was not The Boy, it was Cullen. They were kissing, but she couldn’t tell if she was tasting the scar or not. His shirt was off, but hers wasn’t. And she wanted his hands on her skin. She wanted it so badly, she thought she might explode._

_In one smooth motion, she pulled her shirt off and tossed it aside._

_“Is - is this okay?” Cullen asked._

_“Of course.” Why wouldn’t it be? She had waited so long for this…_

_With a reverent tenderness, he raised his hand to caress her breasts._

_“You’re beautiful,” he said, with naked awe._

_“As are you,” Kalani said softly, kissing him again._

_Then - like in a nightmare - the familiar creak of the barn door, the footsteps walking beneath them, the familiar angry voice calling her name._

_Both Cullen and Kalani immediately hushed._

_“Get dressed, my love,” Cullen murmured. “I’ll deal with this for you.”_

_“What are you doing?” Kalani hissed back._

_“You’re a grown woman. He shouldn’t be bothering you any more.”_

_“You don’t know him. Let me deal with this. Just pretend you’re not here, okay?” Kalani pleaded._

_“I’m not here?” Cullen said. “Oh. I’m so sorry, my love. I suppose I’m not.”_

_And with that, he faded away, leaving Kalani alone in the hayloft with the sound of booted footsteps on the ladder._

-

The visit to the Hinterlands was brief, so when Kalani finally got back to Skyhold, Leliana did not have anything to report to her on the matter of her interfering parents. However, someone else did have something to discuss with her. And that someone was, to her slight apprehension, none other than Cullen. At best, this would be an opportunity for flirting. At worst, he would tell her to stop flirting. Any in-between was most likely acceptable.

She walked into his office, and found him contemplating a wooden box on his desk. The box contained the familiar instruments her brother Harper used to take lyrium. Whenever he was home on leave, he kept the box in a place of honour on a shelf above his bed. 

But Cullen was regarding his box with a look of anger bordering on disgust. Raising her eyebrows questioningly, Kalani came to stand on the other side of the desk to examine the box’s contents more closely. 

Before she could get a good look, Cullen closed the lid. 

“Lady Herald, there’s something I wanted to discuss,” he said, sitting down in his chair. Kalani sat down on the edge of his desk, directly opposite him.

“Yes?” she asked. 

“I… have stopped taking lyrium.” As Cullen spoke, he looked down at the box in his hands. Kalani couldn’t identify the emotion in his voice, but it wasn’t a positive one.

“Really? Why?” she asked. 

Cullen looked up in concern, perhaps afraid that she would berate him for not doing his job. “Taking lyrium makes Templars… more than we are. But it comes with a price. It controls you. I left the Templar life for a reason. I don’t want to be like that anymore.”

 _He’s fighting against what’s expected of him, just like I am_ , Kalani thought. Cullen looked distressed, and she wanted to just take his hand and kiss his cheek and tell him everything would be alright. 

_There, there, darling_. But of course, that wasn’t an option… yet. 

“I understand,” she said. “I think that’s very brave of you.”

Cullen blinked, taken aback. “R-really? I mean, thank you.” A pleased, shy smile slipped across his face for a moment, and Kalani, to her shame, found herself smiling in response.

 _The man just made a confession. It’s no time to be smiling like an empty-headed idiot,_ she told herself. “No, thank you. For letting me know about it,” she said, trying to redeem herself.

“Oh - of course,” Cullen said graciously, with only a barely perceptible hint of awkwardness. 

_Baby steps._


	3. Firegirl

From then on, Kalani spent a lot of her time in Cullen’s study when she was home from whatever mission she had been sent out on. She would sit on the floor and lean against his desk with a stack of reports at her side, ignoring all his attempts to offer her a chair. She did take a cushion, though. They didn’t talk much when each engaged with their various duties, but at the end of the evening they always exchanged a few words before Kalani retreated to her room. Sometimes Cullen would stay up later than she did and she’d barely have time to say ‘goodnight’ for fear of disturbing him, but other times she would linger in the doorway chatting with him until one of them looked out the door and noticed the moon rising. 

She was sitting in his room as usual when a messenger came in and told her that Leliana and Josephine wanted to see her at once. For a moment she was mystified as to what they could possibly want, when she remembered the last time she had called the two of them - and only the two of them - together. 

Her curiosity immediately prickled. Did they have news of her family? What would it be? Was it good news… or bad?

Saying goodbye to Cullen, Kalani made her way to Josephine’s room as quickly as possible. When she arrived she found Josephine at her desk and Leliana leaning against the mantlepiece, in much the same attitude as when the three of them had last been called together. 

“Good day, my lady,” Josephine said. Leliana inclined her head. 

“Good day,” Kalani said politely. On one hand, she was bursting with anticipation to know what they had to say. On the other, if they hadn’t found anything, she knew she was about to be supremely disappointed. 

But she was completely unprepared for what Leliana said next.

“Our enquiries into your family history have been completely successful, Lady Trevelyan. We have found an excellent secret to manipulate them with. As it turns out, you are not your parents’ second child. Your father produced an illegitimate son named Maxwell three years before your brother was born.”

Kalani’s eyes widened. _What?_

Numbly, she asked, “A-are you certain?”

“Oh, absolutely. In fact, we have located this child. Though she does not go by the name of Maxwell anymore,” Leliana said, smirking at Kalani's shock.

“Then who…?”

“The child is like that Lieutenant of Iron Bull’s. Cremisius Aclassi. Now she goes by the name of Maxine Baxter. I believe that ‘Baxter’ was the name of your cook, was it not?”

_Maxine._

The name hit Kalani like a hammer. She knew Maxine. More than that, they had been friends. She knew all about Maxine being originally called Maxwell because that was the name that she had first known Maxine by. In fact, Maxine had taken her new name because of a childhood nickname Kalani had given her - Maxie. And Maxine in return had been the one to nickname Kalani. 

“We’re sisters?” Kalani said incredulously. 

“Well, half-sisters, to be technically correct,” Josephine put in. 

“But how-” Kalani began, not even sure how to formulate the question. 

“All the details are right here,” Leliana said, pointing at a folder on Josephine’s desk. “We compiled this report for you so that you can peruse it at your leisure.”

“If you need any help, ah, addressing your mother’s concerns, rest assured I would be happy to help you formulate a reply which uses this information to your best advantage,” Josephine offered. 

“Thank you,” Kalani said, picking up the folder. She opened it and stared mindlessly at the top page for a moment, before Josephine spoke again. 

“We were unsure as to whether or not you would wish this Maxine to be brought to Skyhold, but if you would like us to make contact with her then…”

“My agents are more than able to take care of it,” Leliana finished. 

_Maxine? Here? At Skyhold?_ It hardly seemed possible. Yet even as her head spun in three different directions, filled to the brim with new information, Kalani knew that she missed her sister, her childhood best friend. It had been too long…

“Please. If she wants to come, please encourage her. If not, I wouldn’t want her brought here by force. Erm… you might need a letter from me in order to convince her. She isn’t very trusting. I’ll write one and give it to you later.”

 _Just as soon as I write a letter to my mother,_ she thought. Now the numbness was beginning to wear away, and there was one emotion forming in the back of her mind: anger. 

“As you wish, Inquisitor,” Leliana said. 

“Thank you both so much,” Kalani said, still staring at the folder before her. It had a quick sketch of Maxine on the first page, and Kalani wondered if the artist had exaggerated the shadows under Maxine’s eyes. “I… need some time to think. I have to go.”

They both murmured polite replies, but Kalani barely heard them as she hurried back into the Great Hall, and then up the stairs to her room. When she got inside she dropped the dossier on her bed, then flopped down on it and screamed into her pillow. 

_My parents! Had! An! Illegitimate! Daughter!_

And to think, _to think_ , that they were concerned about _her_ getting pregnant and bringing dishonour to _them_. They were just about the greatest hypocrites she had ever had the misfortune to meet. No, they were _the_ biggest hypocrites. And to think, also, that they didn’t even know of the precautions Kalani herself took against getting pregnant, though she had never even had sex! Oh, the monthly visits to the healer. The careful keeping of the menstrual calendar. The various charms, spells, and wards she had investigated and tested in her quest to keep herself 100% illegitimate-baby-free. And her father had had the gall to impregnate someone else, probably a poor peasant girl who might even be related to someone Kalani herself had dated because _she hadn't known_. Incredible! Abso-fuckin-lutely incredible. 

Was all the misery they had put her through as she grew up because of their own secret shame? Was it because they were trying to keep her from repeating their mistakes? Hah! The whole thing was just - so - infuriating. If her father were standing in front of her right now, she would probably have spit in his face. 

Kalani punched her pillow, then lay there for a long, long time with her face pressed into it, just trying to digest all the blind, wrathful feelings filling her body. 

At least, if it had to be anyone, it was Maxine, who she already loved like a sister. Thank goodness it was Maxine.

—

Kalani sat up, a thought flitting across her mind. 

_If my parents can pull shit like this, then so can I._

Why should she deny herself the things that would make her happy, now knowing what she knew? More than that, as head of the Inquisition, wasn’t she entitled to be her own authority? She didn’t need their stupid rules anymore. Time for her to go out and get what she had always wanted. 

A love of her own, with someone who she had wanted for months. Someone she had put on a shelf in the back of her mind, because she had thought, _One day I will return home. And when I do, my parents won’t take me back unless I’ve acted like a perfect noble princess._

Without even thinking about it, Kalani did not plan to go home anymore. 

Instead, she got out of bed and marched back downstairs, not stopping even to check her hair in the mirror. She already knew what the consequences of her actions would be, whether her hair was nice or not. She knew well, because the game of love - that was her speciality. That was the one way she’d exercised her freedom in spite of her parents’ every restriction. 

Filled with angry thoughts such as these, she must have looked like a red-headed storm-cloud as she crossed the great hall, ascended to the ramparts, and marched all the way to Cullen’s tower. 

When she arrived, she threw open the door, stomped in, and shut it loudly behind her. Cullen looked up. 

“Herald - is everything alright?”

Kalani sighed. No, everything was not alright. She could feel her gut still clenched full of hurt rage. But then, as she looked into Cullen’s soft hazel eyes, she felt herself relax. 

_Cullen._ He looked worried. Was he worrying about her? How strange. He should know by now that just being in his presence made her anxieties melt away. Because when she was in the room with him, he was the only thing she could see. 

“Everything is fine. I just… wanted to talk to you,” Kalani said. 

“Oh.” Cullen looked surprised, and Kalani gave him a tentative smile. “Well, alright. Shall we go… somewhere else?”

“Yes please,” Kalani said, though she was prepared to pin him up against the wall and kiss him right there if she had to. Instead, she followed him outside to the ramparts, where illusion of isolation and the warm sun on her back calmed her slightly. But those were background concerns. Her focus had suddenly shifted to the rapid beating of her heart. 

Well, this was new. Normally the heartbeat thing happened during or after the kiss, not before it. 

But it wasn’t unpleasant. 

“Nice day, isn’t it?” Cullen said with a nervous laugh, looking anywhere but at Kalani. 

“What?” Kalani said. She had heard his voice, but the words hadn’t registered because they were so supremely unimportant. Fortunately for Cullen, he didn’t try and repeat himself.

“You… had something you wished to discuss?” he said, and this time Kalani actually paid attention the note of nervousness in his voice. 

Normally Kalani felt superior to shy boys, knowing that she’d probably have to teach them a lot of things before they were suitable for her to date. But with Cullen, that somehow wasn’t the case. His genuineness and honesty only made him more attractive, and she didn’t look upon the teaching as a chore but as something that she really… wanted to try with him. 

Trying to resume her normal persona, Kalani said, “Oh, I think you know why we’re here,” and gave him a flirtatious smile. 

“I -” Cullen began, then coughed. “I can’t say I haven’t wondered what I would say to you in this sort of situation. But you’re the Inquisitor, and we’re at war, and you - I didn’t think it was possible.”

Kalani couldn’t tell him that she hadn’t thought it was possible either. Not until her righteous fury had finally pushed her to this point. But - and she began to sense a glorious world opening before her - no matter the reason for it, _it was_. 

“And yet I’m still here,” she said, almost proudly. 

“It seems too much to ask, but I want to…” Cullen began, his voice trailing off as he leaned towards her. Kalani’s heart skipped a beat. 

_Cullen... please..._

“Commander!” The loud voice was accompanied by the sound of Cullen’s door slamming shut. “You wanted a copy of Sister Leliana’s report?”

Reluctantly drawing away from Kalani, Cullen wheeled to face the soldier who was advancing towards them with a sheaf of paper in his hand. 

“What?” Cullen growled, and Kalani, disappointed, drew back, unable to help but hide her blushing cheeks behind one hand. 

“Sister Leliana’s report? You wanted it delivered “without delay,”” the soldier said. Had Kalani been looking up, she would have seen that Cullen’s face was contorted into a ferocious scowl. In fact, he was so angry that he was unable to speak, merely staring the man in the face until he began to back away slowly.

“Or… to your office. Right,” the soldier said, edging away from them. Kalani didn’t care what he said, what he did, or where he went. The moment was gone now. Maybe that shouldn’t have made her feel as bad as it did - clearly Cullen was interested in her, and no doubt he’d want to try and kiss her again - but she had had enough of being interrupted in the middle of kisses. It had already happened to her more times than she had fingers to count on, and it made her feel like a wayward child, no matter the actual reason.

As the soldier edged back into the tower and softly shut the door, Kalani looked away. Intending to release Cullen to whatever duty was calling his name more loudly than she was, she began “If you need to -”

Then his lips were crushing against her lips, almost bruising in their intensity. Startled, Kalani let out a gasp as an electric thrill rushed through her body. Her eyelids fluttered shut, and she reached for Cullen’s waist just as she felt his warm arms wrap around her. For a moment, she tasted the softness of his lips and felt him press up against her, but it was all too brief. 

Drawing back, Cullen said, “I’m sorry. That was, um. Very nice.”

Kalani wasn’t sure if he was apologising for his kissing skills or for the surprise. Either way, Kalani didn’t care. She just wanted to kiss him again. And again, for good measure.

“I believe that was a kiss. But I can’t be sure, it’s all a blur,” she teased him. 

Cullen laughed, but he seemed to understand. Tilting her chin up towards him, he kissed her, much more gently this time. And they stood together on the battlements for a long, long time.

—

_To my dearest mother -_

_I am writing to inform you that your gracious offer of aid to myself and the Inquisition will not be necessary. First of all, you raised me perfectly well, so I am quite capable of governing it myself. Any advice you have to give me, you may convey to me by post. As you yourself remarked, replying promptly to letters is one of my talents, so you need not fear my inattention to such correspondence._

_Second, it has come to my attention that you are supremely unsuited to give me advice on the subjects which I suspect you wish to advise me on. I am perfectly aware that you allowed your husband’s illegitimate daughter to live in the same house as your actual children for the better part of our childhood. Therefore, I have come to the conclusion that neither you nor my father is a suitable confidant in matters of lineage and matrimony. And if you should attempt to enforce any such counsel upon me, to undermine any choices I may make in these matters on my own, or to impose upon the Inquisition in any way, I will be forced to take measures which prove your unsuitability to anyone who may mistakenly side with you._

_I apologise if any of this is distressing to you. But if you must know, it was rather distressing to me to learn that there is another potential claimant of our family legacy. Naturally I forgive you, for I am well aware that we are all human. But I will not be seeking your services any time soon._

_Sincerely,_  
_Kalani_

—

The first person to comment to Kalani’s face on her newly established relationship was Dorian. When she stopped by the library on the way to meet with Leliana, the first thing out of his mouth was: “My dear Inquisitor, have you any ideas of the rumours that have been flying around Skyhold this morning?”

Totally perplexed, Kalani stopped in her tracks. Rumours? What rumours?

“Pertaining to me?” she asked. Dorian grinned. 

“Pertaining to you, and to a certain someone else. Commander Cullen, to be exact.”

“Oh?” She swallowed and let out a nervous laugh. “What sort of rumours would those be?”

“The kind that mean our flirting should come to an end soon, if you’d like to remain an honest woman,” Dorian teased her. To Kalani, that friendly jab only increased her panic. _People know about me and Cullen. And they think it’s serious._

All her life so far, the name of the person she was dating had been the most dangerous and precious information she possessed. In the past, she had gone to so many great lengths to keep the names of the boys out of the hands of her parents - and indeed, she had not included Cullen’s name in her letter to them. She knew that there was no reason to hide anymore, not when Leliana had provided her with blackmail fodder so excellent it could potentially keep her parents away from her for the rest of her life. But she still had very little idea how to respond to an open conversation of her love life, even if the person she was discussing it with was a good friend.

Dorian must have noticed her hesitation, because he added, “I didn’t mean that,” in a perplexed tone.

Raising one eyebrow to hide her confusion, Kalani asked, “What do these rumours say, exactly?”

“Oh, lots of things. Some people say you two were kissing up on the ramparts. That’s the extent of the believable stuff. Some people are taking bets on whether or not you’ve bedded him already. I haven’t put my money down on it.”

Kalani laughed, thinking that if people were taking that kind of bet, they didn’t realise how shy Cullen really was. And how inexperienced they both were. “Are they... do they... do people think this is a bad thing?” she asked, just to be sure. Though she knew it was irrational, she couldn’t help but be afraid other people looked down on her relationship. Or even that they might want to break up her and Cullen, for her own good or otherwise.

“Well, no. Not that I know of,” Dorian said, which was reassuring. “I was going to congratulate you actually.”

“Congratulate me?” Kalani blinked in surprise.

“You don’t want to be congratulated on having made such a glorious catch?” Dorian shook his head. “If that’s how you feel about it, you should give him to someone who appreciates him.”

The idea that anyone would approve of her relationship with Cullen was completely alien to Kalani. But apparently Dorian did. That was... actually quite reassuring. 

“He’s mine,” she said promptly. 

“A-ha. So you’re really seeing him, then. It wasn’t just a bit of fun, hmm?” Dorian asked. 

“No it wasn’t,” Kalani said, her voice a little more indignant than she had intended. Dorian laughed. 

“One of your soldiers owes me a silver,” he said.

Shaking her head in amusement, Kalani said, “Only a silver? Don’t you know Cullen at all? You could have made a fortune.”

“Yes. I know. However, I’m assuming that this is the beginning of a long and wonderful relationship, so I don’t want to chase off my betting companions too early on in the game.” Dorian wiggled his eyebrows, and Kalani laughed. 

A long and wonderful relationship indeed, she thought to herself. And for a moment, she felt her heart reach up.

-

Maxine arrived in Skyhold three weeks later, under cover of night. At the time, Kalani was on the floor of Cullen’s room, polishing her new armour, "In Death, Sacrifice  
". Recently in Crestwood she had acquired it from a dragon’s horde. Cullen was resting one hand in Kalani’s hair, stroking it occasionally, while plotting potential troupe movements on a small map of the Western Approach with the other hand. Kalani was about to pronounce herself done and leave for bed when a messenger entered the room. 

“Inquisitor?” she said, saluting. 

“Yes?” Kalani asked, getting to her feet. Cullen hastily put his hand on top of his desk but didn’t look up.

“Lady Leliana requests that you come down the main gate at once. She says to tell you that Max is here.”

Kalani’s hand flew up to her mouth in surprise as she let out an involuntary gasp. “Already?” she said. “Please tell Leliana I’ll be there at once.”

“Of course, Your Worship,” said the messenger, who promptly left. Cullen looked up. 

“Who’s Max?” he asked, and Kalani fancied she could hear a note of suspicion in his voice. Must have been because of her overly surprised reaction. 

“My sister,” she said, without thinking. 

“You have a sister?” Cullen asked. 

“Er… yes, but nobody else needs to know that,” Kalani said. “Have someone take this armour to my room, will you please? Thanks!”

“What? I mean - alright,” Cullen said, as Kalani dashed out the door. 

_Maxine is here!_

It had been so long since she’d last seen her childhood best friend. When Maxine was 15 she had been sent to the Ostwick mage circle. Kalani wondered how she’d changed and what had become of her since then. Oh, there would be so much to talk about with her!

She nearly sprinted down the stairs and across the courtyard to the gate. There, standing beside Leliana and another agent was a tall figure with a mage staff strapped to her back. The dim light of evening prevented Kalani from seeing any more than that, but she knew that Maxine’s hair was long, red, and absolutely wild. 

As Kalani approached the trio, Maxine turned towards her. 

“So you’re an Inquisitor now, huh?” she said, her voice low and almost aggressive-sounding. Kalani halted in her tracks. 

“Maxie…?” she said, looking at her sister questioningly. Maxine looked back at her, stony-faced for a moment. Then she looked down to the side and held her arms open grudgingly. 

“Hey, ‘Lani,” she said, and Kalani, relieved, hugged her tightly. Kalani couldn’t be sure, but she could’ve sworn she saw the agent give Leliana an absolutely flabbergasted look. But she didn’t waste long on wondering why. 

Maxine had clearly changed. She was much taller and she had a scar over one eye, not to mention that strange anger she had shown at first. But she was here, and she was hugging Kalani, and she had always been pretty reserved emotionally, so this wasn’t too worrying. There was time enough to find out all the important things later. 

Once Kalani released Maxine, she turned to Leliana and asked, “Is there anywhere in particular you intend to lodge Maxine?”

“That is something best left to Josephine, wouldn’t you think?” Leliana said. 

Kalani nodded. “That’s alright. Let her sleep. Maxine can stay in my room tonight. That’s okay with you, right, Maxie?”

“Sure,” Maxine said noncommittally. 

“Great!” Kalani said, already anticipating talking the night away. “I’d like to talk to you tomorrow,” Kalani said to Leliana. Turning to Leliana’s agent she added, “And you, too. Go get some rest. You look like you need it.”

The agent winced, but was most polite when she replied, “Yes, Ser.”

“We’ll leave you two in peace then,” Leliana said. Kalani let her dismiss herself and the agent, then turned back to Maxine. 

“Come on, let’s go!” she said excitedly. “You’re gonna love it here. It’s so great!”

“It’s just another bloody great castle,” Maxine said in a jaded voice, and Kalani laughed. 

“But this one doesn’t have any parents in it,” she said, grinning. She and Maxine began to cross the courtyard, and Kalani led her upstairs. 

“Fair enough,” Maxine grudgingly admitted. “Has it got any food in it?”

“Oh, sure. We can stop off at the kitchens, just like old times,” Kalani assured her. The cook probably wouldn’t be up, of course, but there would be a servant in there to keep the fire going. And it wasn’t like Kalani didn’t know her way around the kitchen by now.

“I’m not a servant,” Maxine grumbled. 

“Of course not,” Kalani said, confused. Maybe Maxine was just in a bad mood from travelling. “I just really like our kitchen.”

“Hmph.”

Kalani elected to ignore that. “In fact, I love this whole castle. I’m sure you will too.”

“What makes you think I’m staying?” Maxine said. 

They had reached the door to the kitchen, but Kalani stopped in her tracks and rounded on her sister. 

“Okay Maxine, tell me what’s up. This isn’t like you. I thought you’d be happy that we were together again. Why are you being so… angry?”

Crossing her arms, Maxine looked down at the ground again. “Maybe I’m not the same person that you remember,” she said in a low voice. 

“Obviously not!” Kalani said. “But that shouldn’t matter. Even if you’ve totally changed and I’ve totally changed, can’t you give me a chance and try and get to know me again?”

Maxine scowled, but said nothing.

Sighing, Kalani leaned wearily against the wall. “Max.”

After a moment, when Maxine still didn’t reply, Kalani tried again in a more gentle voice. “Look. You agreed to come here, so that’s something, right? If you don’t like it, you can always leave. I’ll help you get back wherever it is you came from. But you’re my friend. You were my best friend. Please…”

She didn’t even know what it was she was asking. But Maxine peered up at her, reacting to the honesty in her voice even if the sentiment hadn’t properly been expressed in words.

“Alright. I… I’m sorry. I…” Maxine, too, appeared to be at a loss for what to say. 

“It’s okay,” Kalani said gently. Taking her hand, she swung open the door to the kitchen, ushering her inside.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Surprise! There are more Trevelyans than you thought there were. Here's [a visual reference](http://voxiferous.tumblr.com/post/161513031417/since-ive-now-posted-all-my-dragon-age-fics-to-my) for everyone in Kalani's family, minus the evil Aunt Dahlia.


	4. Explanations and Arrivals

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for NSFW in this chapter. Just pretend that Cullen doesn't wear his armour 24/7 and it'll be easier to picture. Sorry for the wait. Not entirely satisfied with the first 2 scenes, but I've been waiting a million years to post this smut, so.

That night they talked about a million things - their parents, their childhood, the mage tower, Maxine’s journey to Skyhold, Leliana and Josephine, Cullen. Maxine’s tales of the mage tower made Kalani angry. She already intensely regretted having sided with the Templars instead of the mages. Of course, at the time she had been lost, confused, and numb, but there was no excuse for not properly thinking the situation over before picking a side. Now, she was running things more like “ruling over the Templars” than “siding with the Templars”. Kalani would not let them hurt a single mage under her watch. At this point, either Leliana or Cassandra was a straight shot for the next Divine, as far as Kalani was concerned. 

Strangely, Maxine seemed to have no opinion on Kalani’s decision over who to side with. Kalani got the feeling that this Maxine was bitter towards everyone equally, mage or Templar. Honestly, Kalani didn’t blame her. She didn’t even know half of what Maxine had been through. And besides, even when Maxine had lived at the Treveylan estate, before the Circle Tower, Kalani’s parents had been just as cold and controlling towards Maxine as they had towards Kalani, if not more so. Gwendolyn had detested Maxine and pretended to be unable to see or hear her, while Maximilian had always tried to be “fair” to her by essentially bribing her to stay out of trouble. 

And now Kalani knew why her parents had behaved so strangely towards Maxine. It was because she had been their daughter the entire time, and not just the cook’s best beloved child and Kalani’s best beloved playmate. Bastards. Kalani was still coming to terms with all of this information, but she loved Maxine no less, misplaced anger and all. 

The guards who had escorted Maxine to Skyhold had apparently spread news of Maxine’s arrival and gossiped about the difficulties of journeying with her, so by the time Kalani got up the next morning the place was already abuzz with rumours about the new apostate mage. Fortunately, Josephine had already concocted a fake official reason why Kalani had had this prickly, anti-social apostate brought to Skyhold: apparently Maxine had been found in the Free Marches, and was supposedly their liaison to some underground mage cults there. It grated on Kalani, that she could not tell more people who Maxine really was, and why. 

Because Kalani couldn’t just say that Maxine was her sister - Maxine’s existence would no longer be good blackmail fodder if everyone knew about it. More importantly, it wasn’t her secret to tell, and Maxine herself had no interest in being associated with the Trevelyan family, nor in the notoriety that being a known bastard would bring. Thanks to the difference in skin colour between Maxine and herself, no one would easily guess they were related, though they shared the typical Trevelyan cat’s eye, as well as the same full lips and red hair. Josephine and Leliana were the only people who knew.

Well… there was one other - Cullen. Thanks to Kalani’s excitement the night Maxine had arrived, she had let slip that Maxine was her sister right in front of him. Remembering this, Kalani put off going to work in his tower for three whole nights, until she couldn’t stall any longer. 

When she walked in the door, Cullen looked up instantly, like he’d been waiting for someone. Judging by his expression – which was equal parts relief and apprehension, Kalani guessed it was her he had been waiting for. 

“Kalani,” he started, standing and taking a hesitant step towards her. “Where have you been? I was… worried.”

Kalani had been hoping that Cullen would have just assumed she was busy, as sometimes happened, but apparently not. 

“Everything’s fine,” she said, flashing him a small smile. “Well, not fine. But it’s nothing wrong with us.”

“Ah,” Cullen said, sagging against the desk. Oops. “Thank the Maker. I was afraid… well, no, never mind. Tell me what’s wrong. Is there anything I can do?”

“Well,” Kalani started, and then stopped. She felt bad for making Cullen worry, but maybe she could make it better by being honest with him. She wouldn’t deserve the concern he was showing her otherwise.

“You’re aware that my sister Maxine arrived here three days ago, right?” she said. 

“Sister? The apostate mage?” Cullen said, frowning. “Yes, I knew she had arrived, but…”

“Right,” Kalani said. “Please don’t tell anyone she’s my sister. It’s a secret.” Seeing Cullen start to look more and more confused, she paused. “I’ll explain everything, I promise.”

Cullen was watching her expectantly, but Kalani suddenly realised that she didn’t even know where to start. How to explain her sticky family situation to an outsider? She didn’t want Cullen to think her parents were monsters. They weren’t. They were just very, very flawed people, who thought too much of Society and didn’t respect their daughter’s autonomy. And hid their illegitimate children well. 

Kalani clenched her fists. “Maxine is my father’s illegitimate daughter. My family wasn’t treating her very well, so I invited her here,” she said, more harshly than she had intended. But that sounded like a pretty good explanation to her. 

Nodding, Cullen said, “Are you two close?”

“We are,” Kalani said. She thought of pranks played and secrets kept, stealing tarts from the cook, hiding Maxine's magic from her family...

“And you don’t want to know of her relation to you because it would bring shame on the family?” Cullen said gently. Kalani could only nod, her lips pressed together in a tight line as she kept from spewing out all the insults to her parents that her brain was currently concocting. 

“Maxine wants to keep it quiet, too,” Kalani explained. She suddenly wanted to launch into an explanation for their entire childhood, hoping that Cullen would be a sympathetic ear, but something told her to wait. If she explained about all the other boys there had been… how to keep him from thinking that she was using him… like she now realised she maybe had used them? 

Kalani shuddered, looking up to see Cullen cocking his head to one side and looking concerned again.

“Are you alright… love?” Cullen said. “You seem tense.”

Stepping towards him, Kalani sighed, letting her anger flow away. “I’ll be fine,” she said wryly, then giving him a quick kiss on the lips. Cullen caught up her hand as she drew back, folding his fingers into hers and drawing their clasped hands to his chest. Kalani allowed herself to be led towards him, until she was nestled up against his chest. 

“Whatever you need, I’m here,” Cullen said, and Kalani just smiled.

———

 _Dearest Katherine,_

_A single indiscretion on the part of your father is in no way equal to the myriad of shameful indiscretions you have brought into your house for so many years. We feel no need to tolerate your hostile attitude, yet it seems you are determined to persist on this course of debauchery and ruination. Very well; I will not be joining you in Skyhold. However, if you are not receiving my council, then there is no reason that you should continue to benefit from your associations with us either. From now on, consider yourself estranged, until such time as you agree to end this ridiculous folly, come home, and live as discretely as you should. You have brought shame upon our house under my name for the last time._

_Signed, Lady Gwendolyn Trevelyan_

———

Kalani set down the letter on the ground beside her. She was sitting on the floor of Cullen’s office, as was her custom in the evenings, though he was out at the moment, speaking with a requisitions officer. 

Well… that had been something. It wasn’t the first time her mother had unleashed her vicious tongue on Kalani for whatever infraction, but maybe… it would be the last? Hardly able to believe it, Kalani picked up the letter and read it over one more time, just to make sure she had understood it. 

My stuff, she thought suddenly as she reached the end again. Weirdly, she had not once imagined living at the Trevelyan Estate again, not since coming to Skyhold, anyway. But she would miss her secret stash of trinkets from past lovers, some of her books and jewellery. Maybe she could convince Harper or one of the servants, maybe Hildred, to rescue her things for her. But no, by the time the letter got there her mother would have likely ransacked the room already. Kalani wouldn’t have put it past her to have completely dismantled it before the ink was dry on the letter. 

“Kalani?” came a soft question from the entryway, and Kalani looked up, startled. It was Cullen, closing the door and crossing over to his desk. “You look so serious,” he commented.

“I got a letter from home,” Kalani said, folding the letter and replacing it back into the envelope as she spoke. Then she leaned back on the cushion propped against Cullen’s desk and sighed. 

“Not bad news, I hope?” Cullen said, pulling out his chair and dragging it a little so he could sit beside her, facing away from the desk. Kalani was glad of his gentle presence.  
“I suppose it was,” she said. “The letter… well. They pretty much… disowned me.”

Kalani hadn’t thought that she was really all that bothered by what had taken place between her and her parents but now, saying it aloud… it hurt. She would admit that. Though she and her parents had always fought, she had never expected them to hate her enough to disown her completely. And maybe they weren’t very good people but… they were still her parents. 

Cullen must have read the hurt on her face because he gently said, “What? How could they do something so cruel to someone so… so… someone like you?”

Kalani tried and failed for a flippant grin, instead managing a bitter grimace. “Well, I sort of disowned them too.”

“But why? I simply don’t understand.”

How to explain the years of tension and anger between herself and her parents? And there was still the matter of all the other boys, who Kalani really, really didn’t want to bring up. It felt like instead of having a string of past lovers, she had something of a body count. 

Kalani sighed and ran a hand through her hair. Catching her hand up with his own, Cullen laced their fingers together, prompting her to give him a grateful half-smile. 

“It’s hard to explain,” she said, deciding to be honest. “We just… didn’t see eye-to-eye about… a lot of things. I wanted to marry someone of my choosing, and they wanted to arrange a match for me. I was at the Conclave in the first place because they were sending me to live with my strict aunt Dahlia to get me out of the way.”

“That doesn’t sound pleasant,” Cullen said, frowning. Kalani laughed, relieved that he wasn’t going to chide her for neglecting her noble marriage duties. 

“Well, maybe I deserved it. I was so wild. But oh, I was absolutely miserable.” The bitterness re-emerged, this time through her voice, surprising her. “I didn’t have any friends once Maxine was gone, and they wouldn’t let me take a lover either. There was no way out of it. If it hadn’t been for the Conclave-”

Cullen let out a strangled sound, and Kalani realised she was crushing his hand. 

“Oops, sorry,” she said, loosening her grip. 

“It’s - ouch - it’s alright. I’m sorry for bringing this up. I didn’t know - about all this,” Cullen said, looking remorseful - whether it was for the subject of conversation or his crushed hand, Kalani wasn’t sure. 

Shaking her head, she said, “It would have had to come up at some point. I - I care about you a great deal.” Her eyes slid down and to the side as she confessed this, and she bit her lip and let go of his hand, to fold her arms and hunch over slightly. Just saying those words felt like a betrayal - to her family, and to what her destiny should have been. Since the beginning of this adventure, Cullen had been the one bright spot that she held on to, and admitting the depth and reality of her feelings was admitting she could never go back to who and how she had been before. 

“You say that like it’s a bad thing.” Cullen sounded bewildered, but Kalani didn’t think she could even _begin_ to explain all this. 

“To my parents... it is,” she said. 

Raising his hand, Cullen hesitated. Kalani could feel, rather than see, him hovering beside her. Then he gently slipped his hand under her chin and raised her head. 

“I care about you a great deal too,” he said. Looking into his steady gold eyes, Kalani saw a certain kind of confidence - the confidence of a man who knows his truth and intends to fight for it. 

And that was what gave Kalani the courage to open her mouth and speak. 

\------

A few days later, Kalani and Cullen were working late in Cullen’s rooms again. Cullen seemed to be frustrated, sighing and scribbling listlessly on a piece of parchment as he read through some kind of report from a field agent. As for Kalani, she was bored and somewhat restless, though she knew she should be concentrating on the report of rift activity in Emprise du Lion which she currently had in front of her. The urge to just say “Who cares about this? Let’s have some fun,” rose every time Cullen let out another sigh. 

Finally, Kalani could take it no longer. Pushing Cullen’s papers aside, she sat down on top of his desk, directly in front of him. 

“That’s enough,” she said. “No more work for you. Look, it’s almost midnight.”

Looking up at her, Cullen sighed. His eyes turned gentle around the edges. “I suppose you’re right,” he said, and put his hand on her hand, which was resting on the desk beside her. The sudden moment of contact made Kalani’s heart skip a beat, but she didn’t move her hand away. 

“You shouldn’t always have to look out for me,” Cullen said reproachfully, lacing his fingers with hers. “I’m sorry for worrying you.”

“Someone has to do it,” Kalani said with a grin. Though something inside of her was telling her it was probably a bad idea, she cupped her free hand around Cullen’s cheek and stroked her thumb along the rough stubble on his jaw. 

Her eyes found his eyes and they held each other’s gazes. Just as in that electric moment in the courtyard so long ago, Kalani felt a quick pulse of heat pass through her body. This time, she swallowed but did not look away. 

Abruptly, Cullen stood up. At the same time, Kalani spoke. 

“Cullen, how long do you plan on waiting until you decide to have sex with me?”

The look of surprise that passed across Cullen’s face was totally priceless, and Kalani might have enjoyed it, had she not been just as shocked as he was by her own boldness. But now that she had said it, she might as well commit. 

Her hand moved to his waist, and he leaned into her touch, possibly in spite of himself.

“Well, I - I don’t know. I suppose… whenever you want.” Cullen swallowed audibly. 

For a split second, Kalani hesitated. 

“Let’s do it now.”

“I - well - alright then.”

Though his voice was hesitant, his fingers tightened around hers. Kalani’s heart began to race, but she tried to keep calm. Without saying another word, she pulled Cullen’s chin towards her and began to kiss him. Meanwhile, he let go of her hand and put both of his arms around her. She could feel the warmth of his hands on her back through the fabric of her shirt. Focusing on that gentle sensation gave her the absurd desire to rip her shirt off and just let him touch her directly.

But no, she should take this more slowly than that.

But she had already been so patient. And she _wanted_ -!

Her willpower only lasted for a few more kisses. She slipped her tongue into Cullen’s mouth and began to untuck his shirt. He shivered and huffed out his breath through his nose, but only pressed up against her all the more closely. As their lips melded against each other and their tongues glided together, Kalani grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards her. Shyly, he moved his hand closer to her breasts, and she hummed gently into his mouth to let him know it was alright. He cupped her breast with his hand, and she instinctively let out a small gasp. 

“Kalani?” he murmured, hand hesitating on the buttons on the front of her shirt. 

It took all of her willpower not to scream “Yes!” and ruin everything. Instead, she arched one eyebrow and purred his name, stilling her hands against the sides of his ribcage in anticipation. With tentative fingers, he began to undo her buttons. As a small triangle of her skin was revealed, he surprised her by tenderly planting a kiss on the slight curve between her collarbones and her breasts, making her fingers curl against his sides. 

“I always wanted to do that,” Cullen said, and his cheeks were pink. It only made him more beautiful, so Kalani kissed him. By the time she had released his lips, two more of her buttons were undone, and she momentarily let go of him so she could shrug off her shirtsleeves. 

With her breasts, arms, and shoulders bare before him she said, “What else do you want to do?”

“Well, I -” Cullen stammered, his eyes skittering across her body. Kalani quickly drew his face towards hers and kissed him, guiding his hand to her side, and then letting go. For a moment she felt nothing. Then he began to stroke her skin, slowly moving his hand towards her breast. When he finally touched her there she shivered in anticipation, accidentally nipping his lip in her eagerness. 

“Oh - sorry,” she said quickly. 

“It’s not - I don’t - I didn’t mind it,” Cullen managed to get out. 

“Mm,” Kalani said, lightly kissing the scar above his mouth in apology. Since day one it had been tempting her, and the feeling of it finally against her lips was incredibly satisfying.

“You’re so beautiful,” Cullen said. “I hardly know what to do first.”

“You can start by letting me undress you,” Kalani said in a low voice, intently holding his gaze. She saw him swallow hard and felt him shiver with desire, and couldn’t help lifting one eyebrow and grinning. Without a further word, Cullen allowed her to rid both of them of their shirts. She took her time with his, running her hands over his broad chest and muscled stomach, the soft rises and falls in the planes of his skin, noting scars and freckles and a myriad of other beautiful and unique parts of him. In response, he started letting out tantalising little gasps. When her searching hands found his nipples, he finally let out a short moan, and Kalani burned with the desire to hear that sound again. Yet found herself also moaning softly as he gently teased her breasts. It felt natural, so natural, to lean backwards slowly onto the desk, to let him follow her down until his full weight was resting on top of her. He was heavy in a way that made her core ache. Their bare chests pressed together, the sheen of sweat between them melding together, her hands flying to his muscled back, their lips finding each other’s lips again.

And they kissed for a time, exploring each other’s bodies with their fingers all the while. Then her fingers found the waistband of his pants, and he involuntarily shied away. 

“No?” Kalani asked, running her fingers along the soft strip of skin just above it. 

Cullen hesitated. “Let me…” he said, sliding his hands over her thighs. 

“Yes,” she breathed. Now, she supposed, was the moment of truth. She had been ready for this for so long. With Cullen, she had been ready since nearly day one. 

Cullen shifted onto his knees so his weight would be off of her while he slid her trousers over her hips and discarded them on the floor. Putting her knees up on either side of him, Kalani bit her lip in anticipation as he unlaced the drawstring on her smallclothes and similarly pulled them aside. 

“I love you,” Cullen murmured, leaning back over her to look into her face. At the same time, she felt his hand pressing gently against her bare inner thigh, and let out a gasp. 

“I… I…” Kalani tried to reply, but all of her attention was focused on his hand carefully moving along her tender skin. 

She had never felt like this before. It was nothing compared to those little drabbles she had had with other boys. Though he was inexperienced, so was she, so every new sensation seemed to be magnified tenfold. But she wasn’t afraid, because it was Cullen’s golden eyes peering into her eyes, Cullen’s warm skin against her skin, Cullen’s soft lips against her stomach and thighs. Her hands in Cullen’s golden hair, her hands moving to brace against his solid shoulders, her voice crying out and her hips rising to meet his touch, his breath, his lips, his tongue. 

Then, she felt him pull away. He was sitting up again, offering himself instead. This time, when Kalani hesitantly fingered the waistband of his smallclothes, he did not pull away. 

“Are you sure this is what you want?” Cullen asked. The answer to that question required no thought whatsoever.

“Please, please,” Kalani huffed. With no further hesitation, Cullen guided her hand to his groin, where she could feel that he was already hard. When she touched him there, even through the fabric, he groaned in a way that made her want to grind her hips upward. Unable to wait any longer, she helped him fully undress. When he was bare before her, she stroked his length and the wild sounds he made in response were music to her ears. She was aching to hear him lose control completely, and it seemed like he was already on the brink.

Then she felt his fingers on her entrance. 

“Kalani, my love,” Cullen murmured. A moment later he was inside of her. At first it was painful, but she had expected that. But it was not unbearable, so she tightened her hands against his back and held her breath. 

Then he began to _move_ , and she almost immediately lost all coherency of thought. 

“Cullen!” she cried out, digging her nails into his back. He responded with kisses on her lips and her name in her ears, murmured over and over again, a love poem in one single word. Kalani squeezed her eyes shut and arched her back, seeking that friction, that pressure, that - 

Kalani cried, out, falling back onto the desk, and a moment later, Cullen came too and collapsed on top of her. For a moment they both lay there, chests heaving and breaths panting out in little gasps. Cullen pressed his face into the crook of Kalani’s neck and stroked her sweaty hair with one gentle hand. It took her a couple of tries, but she managed to grab his free hand and lace their fingers together. 

“Was that alright?” Cullen said, when he was finally able to speak. 

Kalani, her eyes still shut, smiled and squeezed his fingers. “Of course it was.”

Her body felt so heavy and tired, but at the same time, replete. It was a full tiredness, a satisfaction. She hoped he felt the same way. 

“Let’s go to bed, shall we?” Cullen said, his breath gently tickling the hair on her neck.

“You mean…” Kalani started to ask, unsure if she was ready for round two of this. 

Cullen laughed, a little awkwardly. “I meant, shall we sleep together? Ah… in the literal sense. My bed is upstairs. You know that.”

“Oh,” Kalani laughed. “Yes, please. I would like that very much.”

“Oh - good,” Cullen said, almost as if he had expected her to refuse him. It took the two of them a moment to untangle their tired bodies, and a minute more to give the desk a cursory dust-off, but they left most of the mess on the floor and then went upstairs. Kalani collapsed into Cullen’s bed beside him with a grateful sigh, cuddling up against him tightly. 

Kalani’s last thoughts before falling asleep were ones of infinite satisfaction. 

\-----

The morning after, Kalani awoke to the sound of someone knocking furiously on Cullen’s door downstairs. It was tempting to just pull the covers over her head and try to ignore it, but both she and Cullen still had boring administrative duties, in love or not. 

“Go see what they want,” Kalani said sleepily. 

“Mmmm,” said Cullen. 

Kalani opened her eyes. She was using Cullen’s bare chest as a pillow, with one arm and one leg thrown over him so they could better fit on this relatively small bed. 

_Note to self: Next time you sleep with Cullen, use your own bed_ , she thought, blinking back the grains of sleep in the corners of her eyes. _In fact, just do it in a bed to begin with_. A hardwood desk wasn’t very easy on the back. But it wasn’t worse than the bruises she got from intense bouts of combat, so she wasn’t unduly concerned about that.

“Cullen,” she said, as the knocking at the door downstairs had not abated. Finally, he opened his eyes and looked up at her. 

“Kalani? What are - why are you - Maker’s breath, it must be noon already.” He tried to sit up, but Kalani still hadn’t relinquished her hold on him. 

“Good morning to you too,” she said, presenting him with her cheek. It took him a moment, but then he kissed her and so she released him. 

As he climbed down the ladder to retrieve his clothing and answer the door, Kalani settled back into the bed, enjoying the warmth left behind by Cullen’s body and the smell of him that naturally permeated the sheets. In a few moments she heard the knocking stop abruptly as the door opened, then Cullen’s muffled voice floating upwards as he conversed with whoever was outside. Then the door closed and Cullen climbed back up the ladder. 

When Kalani looked up she saw that he was fully dressed in his armour, and wearing a most disconcerting expression indeed. 

“What’s going on?” she asked. 

“Apparently, Skyhold’s in an uproar. Someone important is here to see you, and no one could figure out where you were.”

Kalani laughed. “Alright, I’ll get up.”

She sat up, shaking her hair back into a semblance of order, and combing it with her fingers as she got out of bed. Cullen hovered nervously beside her.

“Kalani,” he said tentatively.

“Yes, dear?”

“It’s someone in your family.”

Kalani’s stomach dropped, the smile sliding off of her face. 

“It’s not one of my cousins, is it?” she said hopefully. Cullen shook his head. 

_Shit._

Best case scenario: it was some kind of distant relative with pretencions to hitching a ride on her Inquisitorial glory. Worst case scenario: it was her father or mother. 

“Fine. I’ll deal with it.” Her voice was a little more sharp than she had intended, but she didn’t wait to see Cullen’s response, instead sliding down the ladder to collect her clothing.

Normally if someone important were visiting she would dress up in her named, custom, masterwork dragonbone armour and carry her named, custom, rune-worked longbow for peak effect. But right now, she just wished she didn’t smell of sweat, Cullen, and sex. What absolutely atrocious timing. Not that she blamed Cullen, of course. She was perfectly happy with what had happened between them last night. No, she was mostly just annoyed with her inconsiderate relatives for showing up at a time when she could have been cuddling peacefully in bed with her lover, and maybe making out a little. As she rounded up her trousers and shirt from under his desk, she thought about the logistical possibility of sneaking back to her room to at least change before going out to meet whoever it was. Meanwhile, Cullen had come back downstairs again, and was hurriedly trying to get his desk in order. Kalani felt a twinge of guilt over the mess they had made last night, but hey - it was still worth it.

“Do you want me to come with you?” Cullen asked, as Kalani started doing up front of her shirt.

“I’ll be fine, but thank you,” Kalani said, thinking that it might be a little suspicious if he showed up with her - as if the whole Keep didn’t already know they were an item. Still, it was probably better not to broadcast the fact that they had finally slept together. 

Just as she finished dressing, someone knocked on the door yet again. 

“Oh, for Andraste’s sake,” Cullen said angrily. 

“I got it,” Kalani said, hoping that the makeup smudges around her eyes looked like she was going for a smoky effect, or blended in with the dark shadows from lack of sleep. When she opened the door, she found Dorian standing there. 

“Thank the Maker,” Dorian said. “There seems to be an angry dragon at the gates, and she refuses to speak with anyone except you. Can you imagine? Cassandra is practically beside herself.”

“What?” Kalani said, stepping outside. That behaviour didn’t sound typical of her mother at all; her mother was much more subtle about her machinations. At least around strangers.

“I know. I can hardly believe the two of you are related. Well, except for the hair.” Dorian clicked his tongue and pointed. From the top of the battlements Kalani could just see a spot of fiery red in the courtyard below. 

“Who is it?” Kalani said impatiently, wishing Maxine were there. Even though Maxine doubtless was not familiar with whoever this dragon-like relative was, at least she would’ve been good moral support. 

“Apparently it’s your aunt,” Dorian said, shrugging as they descended the stone steps. “I believe she said her name was Dahlia, or was it Delilah?”

Kalani stopped dead in her tracks. 

“My aunt _Dahlia_?” she asked, her voice somewhat more high-pitched than she might have wanted. 

“Why, yes. I take it you know who that is?”

“I only know of her, I’ve never actually met her,” Kalani said, her mind spinning. “She’s supposed to live far away in the mountains. How did she get here? I - they were going to send me to live with her as punishment back before the Conclave. She must be _terrifying_.”

“That she is,” Dorian agreed cheerfully. “But, she isn’t nearly so terrifying as you are.”

“What?” 

“You’re the Inquisitor. If you don’t like this Dahlia woman, just use your royal authority to have Leliana assassinate her. I’m sure it would be better for everyone anyway.”

At that, Kalani gave a small laugh and found herself able to continue walking. “Thanks, Dorian,” she said, drawing herself up straighter and trying to remember her mother’s etiquette lessons. Though she’d been walking like a warrior for months now, she found herself easily able to slip back into that perfect back-straight, book-on-head posture she’d practised for so many hours in her childhood. 

“Now you look like one of those grasping magisters’ daughters they tried to marry me off with,” Dorian commented, which was just about the most comforting thing he could possibly have said at that moment. 

“Excellent,” Kalani said crisply, and strode out into the courtyard to meet this aunt of hers, leaving Dorian behind her.


	5. Aunt Dahlia

Aunt Dahlia was an elderly woman with sharp green eyes, suspiciously bright red hair, an extremely ostentatious gold court dress under her dark travelling cloak, and a wood staff inlaid with gold and topped with a bright white crystal strapped to her back. 

Absolutely nothing could have prepared Kalani for this. 

_Is my aunt an apostate?_ she thought in shock. She cast an eye over her aunt’s horse, which was a rare pure-white Anderfel Courser, laden with saddlebags, but it gave her no other clues. Beside it was a dapple-grey carthorse, accompanied by a slim, brown-skinned Qunari man in the livery of House Trevelyan. 

_What in the Maker’s name is going on here?_ Kalani thought. Fortunately, Aunt Dahlia hadn’t seen her yet; she was still staring imperiously down her nose at Cassandra and Josephine. Kalani had time to make an escape if she wanted to. But no, she had to deal with this. She would deal with this. The time for running away from her problems was over. And this looked like it was shaping up to be one hell of a problem. 

Coming to stand beside Josephine, Kalani clicked her heels together sharply and bowed with as much grace as she could muster. Dahlia transfered her attention from Kalani’s loyal lieutenants and looked down her nose at Kalani instead. 

“You are my niece?” Aunt Dahlia said. Her voice was as commanding as Kalani had expected it to be, but not as old, nor as harsh. 

“This is Inquisitor Trevelyan,” Josephine said, and Aunt Dahlia replied to Kalani as if it were she who had spoken. 

“Good morning, my dear. I am glad you are here. It seems I can get no-one in this wretched country to speak sense anymore. I have come to get some answers.”

Wondering what kind of answers her aunt could possibly be seeking and if any of them would involve prying into her love life, Kalani inclined her head. “Well met, Aunt Dahlia. I would be happy to speak with you. But wouldn’t you like to go somewhere more comfortable?”

“Yes, I expect so. But pray tell me, where are your stables? My mounts are tired. And you know how Imperial Warmbloods can be susceptible to colic.”

Kalani looked around in consternation, but no third horse appeared before her eyes. “That’s not an Imperial Warmblood, that’s an Anderfel Courser,” she blurted out. 

Her aunt’s keen eyes flashed. For a moment, Kalani could have kicked herself. But then, Dahlia spoke. “Very _good_ , Katherine,” she said. “And now, the stables, if you please.”

_What the heck just happened?_ Kalani wondered. _Was that a test?_ She exchanged a glance with Cassandra, but could read nothing but a surprise equal to her own in her friend’s grey eyes. 

Turning back to her aunt and gesturing at a nearby soldier, she said, “My men will gladly see to your horses for you.” 

But Dahlia shook her head. “I prefer for Aashiq to tend to our mounts,” she said, waving away the soldier. “He will take care of them while you and I converse.” 

Before Kalani could ask who Aashiq was, the Qunari bowed his horned head towards her. 

“…Very well,” Kalani decided. “Cassandra, would you please show them to the stables?”

Cassandra nodded, no doubt relieved to be released from Aunt Dahlia’s presence. “Certainly, Inquisitor.” Kalani caught the tone of her voice and smiled inwardly. It seemed that Cassandra was going out of her way to use Kalani’s title, in order to remind this aunt of hers just who was the ruler of the castle around here. And Kalani could not have been more grateful for that small gesture. 

As Cassandra led Aashiq and the two horses away, Kalani said, “Shall we retire?”

Dahlia said, “Certainly.”

—

Kalani led her aunt through the Great Hall and directly to her private quarters. Though she didn’t like the thought of her aunt being in her room, just as she had always resented her parents coming into her chambers at home, there wasn’t anywhere else nearly so private in all of Skyhold. And this was definitely a private matter. The last thing Kalani wanted was for her family to disrupt anyone in the Inquisition but her, and Aunt Dahlia had already imposed enough on Cassandra and Josephine, not to mention Horsemaster Dennet. On the way over, Dahlia made comments about everything she saw around her, much as Kalani’s mother was wont to do, but strangely enough, Aunt Dahlia did not pass judgement on the things she commented on. The things she said were more in the vein of, “This stone design is definitely Elvish” and “There seems to be a dwarf in scout armour over there” and suchlike. Kalani had no idea what to make of it. In a way, it was even more intimidating than her mother’s barbed remarks, because she didn’t know what Dahlia was implying and if it was negative or not. She was very glad when they reached her room at last. 

Someone had already made Kalani’s bed and set out her armour on display, which was comforting to Kalani. Seeing her battle dress reminded her that she was technically in control here. There was also a jug of wine and a loaf of coarse-grained bread set out on the table before the fireplace. This was doubtlessly not the kind of fare her aunt was used to, but it was better than nothing. And if Aunt Dahlia wanted to stay here, she would have to come to terms with the fact that it was not so easy to get fancy, refined food in Skyhold as it was in the Free Marches. 

Kalani and her aunt sat down at the table, and Kalani poured wine into the two cups. Dahlia took a sip of hers and gave a curt nod. Whether it was a nod of approval or a signal that her suspicions about the quality of the drink were confirmed, Kalani did not know. She hoped it was the former. 

“I trust your journey here was not too stressful?” Kalani enquired politely. Dahlia brushed the question aside with a wave of her hand. 

“We can speak of such banal matters later, if you and I decide that we can stand the sight of each other for more than five minutes. I did not come here to give you an account of trivial incidents which may have occurred to me in the recent course of my life. What I came for, Katherine, is an explanation. In fact, I seek several explanations. Firstly, what is happening to Thedas, and what is this Inquisition you seem to be heading? Secondly, why does your mother desire that I discipline you, and what do you have to say about it? Naturally, she has given me several excellent reasons to consider the matter. But I have so far observed only minor defects in your character, so the matter to me is most perplexing.”

Well. Kalani’s stomach clenched reflexively, but she was still in control. ‘ _If we can stand the sight of each other?’ What does that even mean?_ she wondered. _Only ‘minor’ defects?_ None of that sounded good. But if she wanted any of her questions answered, she’d have to do as her aunt wished and give her the information first. 

“That’s… that’s a lot to discuss,” Kalani said, trying to gather her thoughts. How to spin this in such a way that Dahlia didn’t try and take some kind of revenge on her on behalf of her mother? To give herself a minute, she ripped off a chunk of the bread and took a sip from her wineglass, noting to her satisfaction that it wasn’t half bad. _Skyhold can deliver._ Or maybe she had just gotten used to bad wine from living here for so long…

“My dear,” Aunt Dahlia said firmly, as if she knew that Kalani was stalling, “I ask only for the truth.”

“Yes,” said Kalani, trying to maintain a formal demeanour. “In answer to your first question, an ancient magister named Corypheus is trying to conquer Thedas. He inadvertently blew up the Conclave, thus tearing open a hole into the Fade, which we call the Breach. Because the Conclave was destroyed, the mage and Templar war has not been abated. On top of all that, most of the Grey Wardens were corrupted by him. The Inquisition is an institution headed by myself as the Inquisitor, the former left and right hands of Divine Justinia, Lady Josephine Montilyet, and Knight-Commander Cullen Rutherford. We seek primarily to end the threat of Corypheus, though we’ve also played a role in the mage and Templar war, because we - I - recruited the Templars to help us close the Breach in the Fade.” Kalani paused, trying to judge her aunt’s reaction to this information, but there was nothing in that commanding face which gave away any hints of emotion. _Just like Josephine_ , Kalani thought, absurdly. Taking another quick drink, she continued.

“I was chosen as Inquisitor because I have… a mark, on my hand -” and here she held up that same hand, so Aunt Dahlia could see it - “which allows me to open and close rifts in the Fade. It was put on my hand by an accident at the Conclave… and some believe, Divine Providence.”

“Do you believe it was Andraste’s will?” Dahlia asked. 

_Does anyone even know the right answer to that one?_ Kalani wondered. “Well, yes. If I had not been in the right place at the right time, Corypheus would doubtless even now be ruling Thedas. Andraste’s will is what must have placed me at the Conclave in time to stop him,” she replied, hoping that was close to what Dahlia wanted to hear. 

“I see,” Dahlia said, nodding. To Kalani’s immense surprise, she took a piece of the bread, dipped it into her wine cup, and ate it. If it had been Kalani’s mother, she would have totally refused to eat anything that looked like it might be acceptable to peasants. But Kalani wasn’t going to question it. She was already thinking so hard she was getting a bit of a headache. 

“And now you, Katherine dear,” said Dahlia. “Tell me about you.”

_Uh-oh._

For a moment Kalani was tempted to just flat-out lie. Just make up some story. But she didn’t know how much her mother had told her aunt, and she definitely didn’t want to be caught. Then she thought…

_Why should what this woman thinks of me matter at all?_

What would Dahlia do if Kalani’s answers weren’t to her satisfaction? Drag her back to the Free Marches? Of course not. Dorian was right. If need be, there were plenty of different ways she could deal with this situation if it went wrong. Drinking wine with sub-par bread and making polite conversation was only the first tactic she and her army had at their disposal. 

Emboldened by these thoughts, Kalani resolved to just… tell the truth, as Dahlia herself had requested. “My parents sent me to live with you because I refused to marry a noble or become a member of the Chantry. I didn’t want to spend my life helping them increase their social status, I wanted to marry for love and do some good in the world. So, we made each other’s lives miserable. They hoped that being isolated with you in the mountains would force me to finally bend to their will while they found a suitable match for me. I was a disobedient child and they were desperate social climbers. It’s no wonder they had enough of me and wanted to send me away.”

Kalani dared to make eye contact with her aunt, and saw that she was scowling. It was a fearsome expression.

_Maker’s balls… maybe that was a little too blunt…_

“I apologise for my rudeness,” she added in a small voice, but it was too late to take it back now.

There was a weighty pause. And Dahlia spoke. Her voice was clearly angry, and Kalani clenched her fists under the table. But what her aunt actually _said_ nearly made her fall off her chair in surprise. 

“My worthless brother always _has_ subscribed to such ridiculous ideas. He doesn’t know how to play the Game in the slightest, or he would know better. That grasping mother of yours is even worse. They’re both totally inept in the ways of politics. I’m sorry they made your life such a misery, my dear. Believe you me, if you had made it to my estate I hope you would have found it a much more pleasant place than the one you had come from. It was never my intention to discipline a child for entertaining the notion of free will. Why, they would have it that you are some sort of incorrigible moral deviant. I am only sorry I did not intervene on your behalf sooner.”

Kalani couldn’t help it. Her jaw dropped. 

“I - you -” she stuttered, all her composure gone. That threat which had been hanging over her head for a better part of a year now - of being sent to live with her “horrible” aunt in the mountains and being disciplined to the point where her spirit broke - had that been nothing but a fairytale? 

“They finally said they would send me away because I wanted to sleep with a peasant boy,” she managed to get out. “And I nearly did, too. They stopped me in the middle of it.”

“Did they?” Dahlia said, sounding even more outraged than before. “What sort of nonsense is that? Nobles have been taking lovers since time immemorial! Why, even Empress Celene herself has one - and a female elf, at that. When people marry for politics, it’s only natural they should seek love elsewhere. And it’s not as if any sensible prospective husband expects you to be inexperienced. What _were_ they thinking? I shall have to have very strong words with them.”

And that was when it hit Kalani - just sort of welled up from inside. The sudden, strong urge, to just… break down and cry. 

She saw the First Boy, and The Boy in the hayloft.   
She saw herself taking the walk of shame behind five different horses.   
She saw herself locked in her room, staring out the window and hating both her parents and herself.  
She saw herself at the head of the Inquisition’s army.  
She saw Cullen’s peaceful face in bed beside her last night. 

And that was it. She quickly pressed her hands to the tears that were welling up inside her eyes, but she couldn’t stop them from coming. In front of her aunt, who was practically a stranger, but who was siding with her when no one else in her family had. Even as she tried to keep it together, she couldn’t help starting to sniffle and mopped ineffectually at her eyes. 

“Katherine?” Dahlia said in surprise, reaching out a hand across the table to touch Kalani’s shoulder.

“Please call me Kalani,” said Kalani. She smiled through her tears and took her aunt’s hand. 

—

( _Epilogue_ )

Aunt Dahlia joined the Inquisition, bringing with her a good deal of Trevelyan money. More than that, she rejoined the Game on behalf of her niece. But her 30 year absence from court hadn’t made her wits or her tongue any less sharp, and she soon became one of Josephine’s best agents. Though the other members of the Inquisition were initially cool towards her because of her intimidating eccentricity, she soon integrated herself just as Maxine had. Speaking of Maxine: she became fast friends with Sera and the two of them started baking cookies together and benignly terrorising everyone. Kalani wasn’t pleased to find herself on the receiving end of their pranks, but then again, sometimes they let her join them.

Meanwhile, Kalani sent her parents another letter, this one informing them of her decision to marry Cullen, but not explicitly guaranteeing them a spot at her wedding. Indeed, when they were finally married her parents did not attend, though they sent a representative in their stead. Kalani didn’t care, though she would have enjoyed seeing their faces as she walked down the aisle in a custom dress she had designed herself, instead of the traditional House Trevelyan regalia. She was her own woman now - not Trevelyan, not Templar, not purely Andrastian, nor purely of the Free Marches - she was of the _Inquisition_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There you guys go! Hope you liked the story! Comments and feedback always welcome :)


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